Day 186


[ProLevel1] 15mins
"When you find ways to embrace distractions and work with them, it becomes a vital part of training the mind."
“Silence doesn’t mean in a quiet place, but rather the feeling” is another lesson from Andy that I like today. It empowers me more on the environment of me. I think mindfulness is very empowering. It makes realize that even in this vast world, I still mean something by making me know more about myself, aware of myself. Before this, my psyche was blended with the bigger environment. I, the person, was sucked into the vast ocean of all the people and nature. I want to connect to the bigger world and nature, but I had lost myself in it. My ideal is to be an individual that can roam the higher level of being, the collective of human society and the all-encompassing nature. Mindfulness helps me have a boundary of me. That membrane will be how I define myself. 
I am still having problems with my posture. I felt more comfortable with a pillow under my butt once again today. It was the more preferred position for me a while back, but it became uncomfortable a couple weeks ago so I switched to sitting on the sofa with a pillow behind my back supporting me a little bit. But recently I felt that’s not comfortable anymore. I felt more tension in my thighs so I decided to have my butt forward with a pillow under me. I felt the neck and back more relaxed after folding the pillow to have a higher boost, and my thighs were also relaxed. So it’s back to where I was before. Should I just change the posture whenever it’s no longer the better position to sit in? Or should I figure out the reason for the change in preference of my body? I am not sure if it’s normal or ok to feel differently in postures over time. I should seek out advice, maybe in the meditation group at work or some online forum. 
Today I didn’t have a deep focus. I found that when I was thinking, if the thoughts were not concentrated, noting them and bringing my attention back to breath produced less focus. It was when I was very deep in thoughts a couple days before when I felt the immersed concentration after bringing my attention back to the breath.  

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