Explore the world, explore the self

[ProLevel2] 15mins "It’s really important to notice what the actual result is rather than just the expectation." Andy instructed me to notice what the result is when I get what I wish for. He was talking about the desire for a piece of cake, etc but I am thinking about my wish to study RE, learning code, etc. I really enjoyed what I have done. How about reading manga? There was a little bit regret of wasting time after granting myself to that desire and indulgence. So maybe those aren’t a good thing to pursue. I knew that, but I need to remind myself and act on it. At the beginning of the session, I felt excited for today when scanning, but I immediately doubted my feeling and wanted to dig deeper to find the ‘true’ feelings I would have. That’s kind of a waste of time and energy. I should believe myself. I should believe what I feel. I don’t need to doubt even that.   During the focus phase of the exercise, I was focusing on making my blood and qi flow to...

[ProLevel1] 15mins "When you find ways to embrace distractions and work with them, it becomes a vital part of training the mind." “Silence doesn’t mean in a quiet place, but rather the feeling” is another lesson from Andy that I like today. It empowers me more on the environment of me. I think mindfulness is very empowering. It makes realize that even in this vast world, I still mean something by making me know more about myself, aware of myself. Before this, my psyche was blended with the bigger environment. I, the person, was sucked into the vast ocean of all the people and nature. I want to connect to the bigger world and nature, but I had lost myself in it. My ideal is to be an individual that can roam the higher level of being, the collective of human society and the all-encompassing nature. Mindfulness helps me have a boundary of me. That membrane will be how I define myself.  I am still having problems with my posture. I felt more comfortable with a pi...

[Everyday Headspace] Knowing ourselves 10mins "Sometimes, in not knowing ourselves fully, we rely on the opinions of others, who may not even know themselves." The 10 minutes session this afternoon saved the day! With noise-canceling, I was able to really concentrate on breathing. Although there were some times my mind wondered off or dozed off, I noted those instances and brought attention back to my breath. I also confirmed again about my theory on the location of breath. My attention can change the location where the air comes into my nose.   The reason/drive for me to meditate is to know more about myself. I am not good at ‘knowing someone’, including myself. That’s just a fact. I haven’t been paying much attention to people before. I didn’t look for the personality, preference, background, etc of people. I expect and accept people are different in all aspects, but I was lazy that I didn’t look into those differences. I wanted to change that because of my...

[ ProLevel1] 15mins I feel like I have lost my way of focusing. It might start at the same time I didn’t feel qi moving in my body. In this session, I still wasn’t able to get into the deep focus as before. I felt the superficial calmness but my eyes were restless. I don’t know what went wrong. Or maybe I am at a stage that I was so comfortable with the focus that I was in it but didn’t notice. I doubt it though because of the telltale signs of eye movement and the lack of body relaxation afterward.   However, I noticed that I can control my breath more today. Previously, I found that when I was counting my breath, the air coming in was lower than normal. I found that I can control the air coming in low or high when I think about it, despite counting the breath or not. I think when I was counting, the numbers were in my mouth or somewhere lower than my nose, therefore my attention was at the lower end causing the feeling of air coming in the lower part of my nose. It’s not li...

[成大事者不糾結] by 羅振宇 從曾國藩後半生的事蹟可以學到儒家的理想是內聖外王，用最高的道德要求自己，但是對其他人是比較寬容的，畢竟想要在這世上完成理想，還是需要各路人馬的幫助，而多數人不是聖賢，也做不來。 So this not only applies to get work done, it’s the basic principle of how to be in a society. From home, family relationship, to work, colleague and supervisors, all these interpersonal relationships are bounded with other people. With the limited time on Earth and the mixed bag of backgrounds and personalities, letting go of the ideal in the world is the smart way to live. I won’t let the moral standard go for myself. That’s just who I am. So letting go the standard for others is something I needed reminders of.

[Surrendering] 5mins "If it feels like you’re constantly surrendering in your meditation, giving up old habits, letting go of old ways, you’re probably on the right path." The idea today was interesting. Andy says that during meditation, we are not creating or building up a strong mind or something like that, but rather letting go. Focus is letting go of distraction. Resilient is letting go of old habits. It feels a lot easier to do it since we are not making something new. We have the thing we want all along, and now we just need to let go of everything else covering it.

[ProLevel1] 15mins "Simply be aware of what you’re doing in the moment. Just be natural and aware." Slowing down and be more careful when doing things might be the side results of being more mindful and aware of the activity, but shouldn’t be the means to get to mindfulness.   I noticed that when I was counting my breath, the breath became heavier. I found it to be more natural and light when I was just placing some focus on the breath and observe. I felt the natural rhythm of breathing. That was just noticing how I breathe normally. But when I started to count the breath, I felt the heaviness crept in right away and weighted it down. I was so shocked at that discovery, I didn’t really observe how that heavy breathing was comparing to my normal breathing. Doing it now, I feel the airs are coming in through the lower part of my nostrils, dragged lower by the weight of it when I was counting the breath. While normal breathing is coming in through the top and feels fresh...

[ProLevel1] 15mins I might be too excited about my reunion lunch today that I was thinking too much throughout the session >< Especially when I was focusing on my breath, I kept thinking about the past, and the future, where I will be talking to them. The thoughts about what I will be saying, how I will behave myself, and what might they think about me kept dominating my brain. However, before I was focusing on breath, and when I was keeping a distance away in my mind, there weren't that many thinking going on. That is another affirmative evidence for the wild horse model. The more I press on my ‘focus’, the more resistance it creates. The soft focus approach seems like the solution for that because a smaller percentage of focus on the breath doesn’t excite as much resistance from my mind. It’s great that I am more aware and having more insight into those ‘basic techniques’ I learned at the beginning. That is a sign that I am more advanced now than before. The more ad...

[ProLevel1] 10mins "The only reason we sit is to create the right conditions to feel that sense of awareness." I am getting into the “pro level”, how exciting. Andy says I will be letting go of any focus and let the mind free during the meditation. So in that way, my mind will be able to be free even when I am doing something else and not necessarily be focusing on my breath. That way I can be mindful in my everyday life. That is the goal and this course should be my transition to that practice.   I still want her to meditate with me. But how will I approach this? She doesn’t think she “needs” it. She is fully aware of her thoughts and emotions. She said she wants to control her reactions to emotions better and be calmer, but she didn’t really take that benefit of meditation to be persuasive. Maybe I will just go to my basic desire, wanting to do the activity with her. Like exercise, I just want her in the activities I enjoy and do frequently. I love to see my parents ...

[DealingWithDistraction] 15mins "All we need to do is to notice when we’re distracted. In the moment we notice, we’re already focused." I think this is an interesting idea. It coincides with the soft focus idea.   Still had some #posture problem today. I still think sitting without the pillow under is better, but there were times when I slouched. Now it is better to put my rear back against a pillow so I don’t need to flex my thigh muscle when sitting up straight.   [Sitting with the mind] 5 mins "It’s natural to experience some self-pity as we observe the mind, but if we allow it to take root, we may well got lost in that maze." “Self-pity sometimes is addicting but not very good for us” I can associate myself with that idea. I don’t feel self-pity about thinking or having lots of thoughts. I have self-pity for a wide range of other reasons. But it’s just for my personal addiction. There’s no benefit of thinking that way. It might be hard ...

[DealingWithRegret] 15mins "We’re not defined by our actions. We’re not even defined by our thoughts." Andy says we are defined by the fundamental quality that’s beyond our thoughts and actions. It’s the blue sky he has been talking about that everyone has. Is it a way to connect all humankind to something bigger? I think this is a way for us to be calmer and be able to move forward easier. But that sounds too easy for me. Shouldn’t we think of ourselves in a more individualistic view to be responsible for our action and thoughts? Maybe it’s just a different way of thinking needed at different times. For times when I need to be calm, this way of thinking and definition can help with that, and be responsible for day to day life. Maybe I am just not fully understanding this idea of the definition by our higher quality. I think a good life guidance should apply to every aspects of life and not just picking certain instances. That’s similar to the goal of a unified theory in...

[DealingWithDistraction] 15mins Today done the meditation in the morning, went to bed and got up earlier than usual, after 甩手跟練氣, I felt a lot easier to get into focus. I also felt more comfortable with the posture. The pillow was on my back. I felt my body settled in quicker. Although near the end, I slouched a little bit and that broke my attention, after reminding myself and pull the string on my head, I could get back to focus. The pillow on my upper back took away stress from my neck, which I am feeling the strain right now sitting on the dining chair. I think today’s lesson is that I   "Only need to notice the distractions to get back to focus. No need really to pull myself back even just gently."   That is great because even gently, pulling attention back to my breath is an effort I need to make. Noticing is a lot more subtle and less effort. It’s easier to do and I can do it better. At the same time, I felt I had lots of thoughts coming in and out today, ...