Day 232 disconnected: feeling and lesson

[ProLevel5] 15mins
I don’t feel anymore. All thinking and not feeling. It’s kind of alarming that I can’t feel my Chi, I can’t feel the letting go of focus, and I can’t feel emotions in me. I feel like it’s all in my head about what I should be feeling in certain circumstances and not really the emotions. I am not sure if that’s connected to me not feeling Chi moving in me and the 集氣 exercise resulting empty-handed, but I do notice now they are happening at the same time. 
On the other hand, I want to spend some more time thinking. It has been touted again and again to be a distinguishing feature of successful people. While I agree with that, I never really take it on to be my next habit. So during meditation, on one hand, I want to let go of those thoughts and get back to focusing on my breath, but at the same time, I relished the moments of ideas and peace in thinking. I do have plenty of time for that during my work, and I have been filling them with more reading, productive or non-productive alike. The tomato function of tick tick might be useful in that sense to keep me on the task of just thinking. I do have things to think over.

"Use your distractions as opportunities to help cultivate awareness and build a sense of stability in your mind."
I am not 100% behind Andy’s analogy of treating my thoughts as dreaming. I don’t really let go of dreams as he suggested. Maybe I am in the minority, but dreaming seems to be a different experience that either intrigues me or warns me of unexpected, even though I have been satisfied with my current life. And today’s lesson of snapping back from dream/thought by some outside stimulus is just lost on me. I don’t get it. 

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